Wednesday, November 16, 2016

Eating Islay


In summer the Islay Cherries ripen on the hillside and I eat them. Sometimes I wonder if I am the only still living human who does.

These days, most Islay Cherries are probably consumed beyond the Western Gate in Similaqsa.  Chumash story tells us that the dead souls go there, across the great pole rising and falling over the ocean from Humqaq (Point Conception) staring ahead with poppy flowers for eyes, trying to ignore the demons that snarl and lunge at them from the waves; but once on the shores of Similaqsa there is rest and forgetting with sweet Islay to eat while thoughts of this life fade into a dim fable.

Islay Cherry, Hollyleaf Cherry, prunus ilicifolia is a large shrub of the California chaparral.  It thrives from Napa down the Coast Ranges into northern Baja but nowhere else in the world.  In my yard it is a downright weed, growing dense and vigorous, sprouting in garden beds and driveway cracks.

It is a close relative of domestic stone fruit -- plums, cherries, peaches, apricots, almonds -- with spiky, dark green, glossy leaves, just like holly, hence the name.   The plant books say it blooms, white, in Spring.  But it doesn’t.  At least around here, the blooms are pale yellow and appear in “California Spring” which occurs anywhere from December on, depending on when it rains.

Like everything else here in Phoenix Land, prunus ilicifolia longs to burn to the ground and grow back lush and gorgeous from the ashes.  It also does this when cleared with a chainsaw. The cut wood is red and dense like domestic cherry and smells almost intoxicatingly of almond-scented cyanide.  After a few weeks the cut stump sprouts and by next fire season the large shrub is back -- a resinous, flammable thing -- wanted or not. 

The Chumash call it axtayuxash.  At least that is what they call the meal that was traditionally made from the seeds, which they ground up, and, according to the plant books, leached before eating.  Between cherry seeds and tannic acorn meal, traditional Chumash were certainly bound to a life of leaching. The books do not say what they leached out of axtayuxash but I have to assume cyanide because prunus species just have cyanide coming and going – leaves, wood and pits -- enough to be worrisome in apricot seeds enough to kill in peach.  It seems no one remembers what the fruit of axtayuxash was called because the people who knew are gone to Similaqsa and they took the word with them.

I don’t eat axtayuxash.  I eat the the fruit, which the books describe as “a drupe”, which I feel is an unfairly unappetizing name for it, and as “very thin fleshed” which is, if anything, overly generous. The books say it is purple-black in color but it isn’t.  Around here the fruit ranges in color from maroon to a raspberry-blushed yellow. I began to eat it because the books describe it as “edible” and because, well, there it was – everywhere.

My initial foray into Islay consumption was not very promising.  Popping one in my mouth and biting down, my first sensation was “Yikes, bitter!” followed by “Good Lord, they weren’t kidding about the thin flesh.” The flesh surrounding the rock-like pit on a plump Islay Cherry is maybe 1/10 of an inch thick and the skin is bitter enough to roll your eyes back in the sockets.  My cumulative impression was “Gee, these are not very good.”

My son, who was joining me in this experiment, immediately spit his out, his cumulative impression being “Yuck!” and this coming from a kid who forages for pithy, flavorless elderberries, and lemonade berries which taste like extremely sour turpentine.

 This unpromising fruit, then, was what the dead souls in the Chumash Elysian Fields were savoring through eternity? I could only begin to understand this when I understood that Islay is something a person learns to eat.  I learned to detect the vague plumpness that indicates ripeness and to prefer lighter colored fruit.  I learned to slip the skin off with my teeth and spit it out, suffering only a tiny jolt of bitterness. And with the skin gone, I learned that so-thin flesh has a kind of dazzling sweetness that is never cloying, maybe because there is so little of it
 
If they are eaten far away from a kitchen counter laden with mangoes and peaches, preferably sitting on the ground under the bush, Isaly Cherries become addictive.  I roll the pit around in my mouth and strip off bits of flesh and juice with my teeth while I strip life down to the sweet taste, the August sun and the color of berries and leaves.  Islay is a fruit from a world where the only experience of red was woodpecker heads and Islay cherries, where a poppy flower was the brightest and most glorious object a person would ever behold, and where, in a land without honey or any fruit beyond tart, bland berries, Islay was the only taste of sweetness a person would ever know.

Perhaps the Islay cherry is just the food to remind the soul adrift in eternity of what it felt like to be alive. The hard pit containing the core of bland sustenance from which the poison must be painstakingly removed, then the meager flesh, so hopelessly, almost sadly, sweet that it is worth biting through bitter skin again and again to savor it. 

Tuesday, August 25, 2015

Tooth Talk


I have to admit that since our son was born 6 years ago I have not slept in the same bed as my husband very much.  Russ wants his mommy to lay down with him as he goes to sleep and once I am horizontal I tend to stay put for the night.  Sometimes I wake up in the early morning hours and sneak into the room Mike and I shared so exclusively pre-parenthood.  Mike and I manage to steal a few moments to cuddle before we hear the inevitable “Mommy, I need you “ and a tousled and crabby Russ stumbles into the room. Then, in an unsubtle bit of body language, he wedges himself in between Mike and I, turns his back to Dada, puts his arms around my neck and declares, proprietarily, “My Mommy”.  I have come to think of him as our little Oedipest.

This morning, I had crawled in with Mike and was almost asleep when I jerked back to wakefulness.  I had forgotten something very important. “Ack! The tooth fairy!” 

“Ack!” Mike echoed and jumped out of bed. He scrounged up the cash, managed to slip it under the pillow of still sleeping Russ and get back in bed just moments before, “Mommy, I need you,” and the bleary appearance of the Oedipest.

“Wait, wait!” we stopped him as he prepared to wedge into bed, “did you check if the tooth fairy came?”

Russ, suddenly wide awake and forgetting to defend his mommy from the interloper, dashed back into his room.  When he re-appeared he was clutching a dollar and wearing a big grin that showed both rows of perfect, even, pearly, baby teeth, all except the bottom right incisor, his first missing tooth.

“Cool Russ, the tooth fairy came! How much did you get?”
 
“Come on,” Russ jeered, ”It was mommy who put it there.” I was able to profess my innocence in complete honesty. “Besides,” he continued, “It wasn’t the tooth fairy because she didn’t even take the tooth. See, its still here in this box.”

“Look,” I explained, “the tooth fairy has been collecting teeth from every kid in the world at least since Dada and I were your age and that’s a long time ago.  Her warehouse is full.  She can’t inventory any more teeth , so, these days, she just leaves the money.”

“Wait a minute,” Dada interjected, “How do we know the tooth fairy is a girl? Aren’t you being sexist? What if the Tooth Fairy is a ‘he’?” I was instantly overwhelmed with an enchanting vision: the Tooth Fairy a Le Cage Aux Folles, resplendent in stiletto heels, big hair and feather boa.  If only it could be so.

Russ, whose cultural literacy does not extend to drag queens, had gone in a different direction. “If it was a boy that would make him the ‘Tooth Elf’” He observed.

“That’s it!” agreed Dada “It was the Tooth Elf!”

“The Tooth Elf”, I continued,” who comes at night in his slug-drawn carriage.”

“He comes at night,” grunted Dada, becoming the hunched and hideous Tooth Elf, “slobber dripping from his jaws.  He reaches out his gnarled hand clutching a slimy dollar and…”

“You guys are being silly!” Russ protested, “It was mommy, I know it was mommy who left it.”

And so the Tooth Elf visited our house for the first time.  He’ll be out another 23 bucks over the next few years of Russ’ awkward, gap toothed metamorphosis.  I suppose I’ll get used to this new phase, but it has been hard to see that first tooth go.

We had been watching it wiggle for about a week, Russ, impatient for promotion into the ranks of his toothless peers, me savoring the last precious hours of his perfect baby toothed smile.  Yesterday he worked it free. He was ecstatic, running around the house, gums bleeding, clutching his tooth, trying to get a good look in the mirror, calling his grandparents on the phone.  I put the tooth in a little manzanita burl box and just stared at it, remembering the day I first saw it, a tiny hard white ridge, working up through my baby’s pristine gums.   It was as exciting and unwelcome then, on its way in, as it is now, on its way out.

When Russ was tiny, one of my more mystical friends told me that when a baby is born its soul and its mother’s soul are one. As the child grows his soul slowly separates from his mother’s, like cell mitosis, each half pulling apart, until, on the day when the first tooth is lost, they part and each soul stands alone.  The first lost tooth, then, is the physical evidence of this metaphorical day of separation, a symbol of the bittersweet magic of watching one’s child grow up.

The relationship of mother and child, like a cell dividing, is a dance of holding on and letting go.  It is the only relationship that, when healthy, decreases in intimacy over time, from the womb, to the breast, to the schoolyard, to the day they leave home.  Sometimes it seems they launch, heedless and impatient, toward adulthood while Mom keeps holding out and holding on just a little longer and tighter than they ever want.  Other times it seems they resist and procrastinate, or even regress, in the face of that inevitable next step that we are so anxious for them to take.

Sometimes I long for a full quiet night alone with my husband. A night in which there is no chance that anyone has taken any legos to bed for me to roll over on.  A night in which there is no possibility that anyone will pee in, or throw up in, or fall out of the bed.  A night in which I will occupy a generous half of a queen size bed and not a 10-inch wide strip up next to the wall.  A night in which no one will end up lying perpendicular to me with their feet in my kidneys.   But other times, most times, the nights seem so few and precious in which I will drift off to sleep with this small warm body in my arms, smelling the fragrance of his sweet sweaty curls, our souls overlapping.  We push, push, push them out of diapers, into day care, out of our beds, into school while they pull away, impatient for their freedom.  Yet at the same time they cling in innocent devotion and wedge into bed while we hoard curly locks of baby hair, photos, crayon scribbles and, now, tiny teeth in a small wooden box.

Russ is unable to comprehend why I am fixating wistful and teary eyed on his now ex-tooth.  When I tell him that it is hard for Mommy to see her baby grow up, he comments  “Mom, I’m the same exact size I was yesterday…I’m just missing a tooth. Now move over Dada.” 

So Dada moves over. There is enough room and measure of time for a bright morning, one bed, two parents, one tooth, one dollar bill, and one kid with a gap tooth grin.






Tuesday, April 22, 2014

Jacaranda


The trees bloom in May
An embarrassment of purple
Spilling from the branches
Pooling in the streets
Collecting on parked cars like vivid snow

Blossoming branches wave gently
White walls gleam under red tiles
Work weary tourists wiggle their toes into damp sand and sigh
The paseos snap and hum with the crowd
Well dressed
Teeth straight
Limbs attached
Children alive
An embarrassment of privilege

Around this high pressure system of good fortune
The clouds of misery spiral far from view
Blood spills in their streets
Here we walk on flowers


Friday, December 13, 2013

Personal Gravity


The bold ones ask
What is that stick for?

Oh, my darlings, it is a so simple thing
I live in a special gravity
Everything is heavier around me

The earth holds on so tight
so tight
I push away with this stick
or we slam together
Head into dust
Back into dirt

Why must the earth forever try
getting me back
getting me back
into that rough embrace?

Like those times you run away
off you go
with your knees and palms so close
suddenly hitting a heavy spot
then down

But you, my darlings, live in a special gravity too
held so gently
gently by the heel
that you may even fly a little
Once upon a time I lived in that gravity too
And sometimes I still feel it in my heart